Raising a man is challenging and rewarding.
The human you raise is raising you too. You can learn a lot from kids if you allow it.
As I help them grow they help me grow.
Not only am I their father but also their fútbol coach.
Trying to balance the two without clashing is the task.
In the beginning, I must admit, I was a bad dad coach.
I was WAY too hard on them and not hard enough on myself.
(You’ll learn a valuable lesson here)
The only way to reverse this was to look within.
I began to blame their mistakes on myself.
Instead of coming down on them for weaknesses during a game, I began to simply take note of those weaknesses and then eliminate them in practice.
I began to look at their weaknesses as my weaknesses. Maybe they didn’t get enough reps of a particular skill. So, we’d work on it heavily in practice to eliminate the weakness.
Their faults became my faults.
I started to give them room to make mistakes and even told them I didn’t care if they made mistakes. And as a result, they made fewer mistakes.
It was the pressure I put on them as a harsh dad coach that gave them nervous energy which lead to more mistakes.
Every time they made a mistake I was the dad coach yelling, reminding them of the mistake they made. Kids know when they make mistakes. Their teammates know when they make mistakes. The last thing they need is an additional voice reminding them of a mistake they were just reminded of.
During games, I stood the entire time. Coaching every moment of the game.
Well, this winter season I made adjustments.
Instead of standing, I sat down.
Instead of yelling at mistakes I simply noted them as something to work on in practice.
I only shouted to applaud the kids when they made good plays.
As a result, the games became more enjoyable for the kids, I bonded more with my sons, they played better and I felt less stress.
We played against a harsh coach during the season. He reminded me of the old me, except he was worse. He yelled at ALL the kids.
I usually only yelled at my sons.
At the end of the game my son told me one of the kids on the opponent’s team commented, “I wish we had your coach.”
And THEY won our match.
This is how you raise your sons.
I’ll show you how to activate your inner stoic soon but in the meantime, start here.