a haunting AI rendering of crypto conman SBF

3 Reasons Why SBF Will Get Away Scot-Free

The internet and the cryptoverse are on fire with a pair of three-letter monikers: FTX and SBF. The former was the name of a popular crypto exchange - the seventh largest in the world as of a few days ago.

The latter is the initials of FTX’s founder, Sam Bankman-Fried. The doughy, drug-addicted, finance sigma male was pulling off the biggest scam since Bernie Madoff but fell into a trap of his own design. He was defrauding investors, stealing customer deposits, and manipulating nearly every corner of the cryptocurrency industry.

All of this was happening while SBF was asserting himself as the adult in the room. As the voice of reason and paragon of morality in a sea of monkey JPGs and meme coins, he was lobbying for crypto regulation (that benefitted FTX) and carousing with celebrities from all over the world.

Now FTX is insolvent and SBF is being detained by Bahamian Authorities (FTX was based in the Bahamas). The billions' worth of liabilities that FTX Group owes is set up to cause a crypto contagion that the industry hasn’t seen since the Mt Gox. Hack of 2014. Many have fallen (like BlockFi), and more are going to follow.

Now the question is being asked: Will SBF ever come to justice? It’s not a smart contract. There is a lot of wiggle room.

Why SBF Won't Pay

1. Rich People Usually Don’t Go To Prison

This almost goes without saying but rich people have John Cena-like powers to remain on the blind side of justice. The more commas in your net worth, the further away from consequences you get.

There are exceptions. Bernie Madoff died in prison, but he proves the rule. At one time Sam was a billionaire. When you get to that level you know how to do two things well: A) call in favors, and B) hide a shit load of cash all over the planet.

Sam might not be a billionaire anymore but he’s got enough cash to hire good lawyers.

2. He’s a Democrat Megadonor

Sam is the #2 donor to the DNC and Liberal PACs. He is outdone by none other than the dark lord of the Sith himself, George Soros.

You can thank Sam and FTX for making the current Biden administration a thing, and for the stunted Republican 2022 mid-term results.

Sam joins the ranks of other top-tier Democrat standard bearers like Bernie Madoff, Harvey Weinstein, and Jeffery Epstein. He’s even helped raise funds with the Clintons.

Once you’ve proven to the establishment that you’re a good earner, you’re a made man. You might need to kiss a few rings, do some charity work, or go on Dancing With The Stars, but once the news cycle has turned over a dozen times or so, and the psyops are back up and running, it’ll be time to start making that bread.

3. He knows too much

SBF isn’t just some rando that started a website in his garage. He was born into the right family and frequented the right social circles. His mother and father are professors at Stanford and have been politically active for some time.

In fact, Sam’s mom runs Mind The Gap, a liberal super PAC that has been influencing elections since 2018 (the same time Sam started FTX).

But the interconnectedness of Sams's friends and family reads like a Game of Thrones lineage:

  • Sam’s father is a law professor and got him meetings with investment funds like Sequoia and Tiger.
  • Sam’s brother Gabe works for a pandemic readiness firm.
  • Sam’s Aunt Linda is part of the World Economic Forum and specializes in epidemiology and geriatric medicine.
  • Sam’s girlfriend and CEO of Alameda Research (part of FTX Group) is Caroline Ellison.
  • Caroline’s dad, Glenn, is the department head of economics at MIT and used to be the boss of the current SEC chair, Gary Gensler.
  • FTX US General Counsel, Ryne Miller, served under Gary Gensler during his tenure at the CFTC.

Factor in the growing list of FTX employees that were former Obama or Clinton staffers and aides and the tin foil hat almost makes itself.

Sam knows too much about too many things, and he knows the right people.

We all want to see this dork do time for robbing so many of their crypto fortunes and ruining crypto's already battered reputation.

But the likelihood of a flashy perp walk - a handcuffed Sam, face covered in an H&M blazer, shuffling into a waiting SUV - is fading quickly with each passing Bahamian day.

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